If you aren’t watching Red Table Talk with the Smith family, you are missing out on some free counseling. Period.
The most recent conversation with Demi Moore and two of her three daughters was a revelation of sorts. The episode touches on parenting, dating post-divorce and trauma. It’s plain to see how so many of our actions and intentions are interconnected.
Jada reflecting on how Willow’s moments of weaknesssaid, “her tears were so offensive to me”. Wow – what a powerful statement. It takes a depth of self-awareness and courage to accept how projecting our insecurities to our children has hurt them in some way.
The last couple of weeks I’ve noticed I’ve been a bit tough on my mini and this episode made me realize that it’s a result of my childhood and upbringing. I come from a large family and vulnerability and weakness were prayed upon. I’m still learning to accept vulnerability, but growing up forged a tough exterior and defense mechanisms.
As early as I can remember, my daughter has been very independent. She already says things like, why do I always have to do what you say. Again, she’s only four. I have video of her struggling to haul her Halloween candy at two years old and defiantly saying, “I got it!” when I offered to help.
I see a strong willed, independent and intelligent four-year-old. I love her for it, but I also forget that sometimes she simply just wants help. I find myself saying (sometimes yelling), but you know how. Why are you asking me? The rub is that I’m incredibly annoyed at her for asking. I’ve asked myself, why? It took this episode to make the connection with my childhood environment where asking for help and showing a soft spot was never accepted. Still isn’t. To be clear, it’s not the asking for help, it’s the constant reminder that you didn’t and weren’t able or capable of doing something that’s truly the problem. It was a reinforcement of one’s lack of xyz – even years later.
Earlier in the week I’d spoken to her about me being more patient with her requests and reminding her that I need help too. I always tell her, we’re a team. We need to work together and help each other. She “got it”. I’m now seeing that I’m the one with the problem.
The next steps for me are like any other moment of revelation, acknowledgement, acceptance and working towards proper alignment.
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